I have been doing alot of research on mental illness because I have had mental and physical disabilities since my unwanted birth. I have been abused by two abusive alcoholics for over 40 yrs and I did not have the strength to fight back until now.
Recently my ex husband has crossed the line and told our son lies about me to make him hate me. I have been abused, neglected, ripped off and lied to by family and friends my whole life. One of the first therapists I met was surprised that I was not downtown putting needles in my arm. I bet some of them had the same childhood I did. The difference is I took some of the negative events into positive ones I can use to make my life better. My parents were both school teachers and they would not give me a dime for school. I quit school as soon as I turned 16. I got a good job and a car and moved in with my first love who treated me so good. My mom was horrified but I told her if she wants to live with this abusive alcoholic go for it but I cannot handle it anymore. I loved my mom but couldn't understand why she didn't protect us by telling dad to stop.
I grew up in a beautiful small ocean view retirement community. I have been here for over 30 yrs. Growing up with wealthy friends was so fun and alot better then the north surrey high schools. I went to so many great parties in big mansions and spent alot of time at the beach having bomb fires every weekend which is not allowed anymore. So many men I knew had fast show room cars and they let me drive them. My son learned how to drive a speed boat by the time he was 6. My friends had everything handed to them by their parents. I wanted what they had so I worked so hard educating myself and working hard to get those things.
When I was ready I went back to school and got my grade 12 then proceeded to take part time courses at college and university as I could afford it. When I was a new single mom I found out about a government funded business school for single parents. I went for two years then did my practicum at BC Tel for three weeks. Once I was done I set up interviews with all very large high paying companies. I was offered a good paying job at BCIT but the nice lady I met told me to pursue BC Tel even though she wanted to hire me making good money but no option to move around the company. BC Tel was like a large family with their own education centre. We could apply for another job after nine months in your present job. The more you moved around the more things you learned and making more and more new friends. I was up against some highly educated university grads, I called their employment office every day for a month until they got sick of me and called me in for testing and I was interviewed by four different managers. I have great social skills which helped me talk myself into this huge company. The CEO at that time liked to get families involved in company functions for easter, christmas and a summer picnic and many more events for employees and their families.
When I got hired I was not secure until I applied for 65 jobs which took 11 months meanwhile working my ass off as a single working mom. Sick or not I worked so hard. I now have 24 yrs seniority with the best union in canada. The telecommunication workers union has always taken good care of me. Not only was I paid well but the benefits I still have for life is worth alot of money if you add up the cost of any kind of medical or dental needs. I found out we had an option of paying $80 taken right off your check before you get it given to our union for medical assistance because in our collective agreement if you got sick you had full benefits for so long then it went down to half then it ended. If you were still not well enough to return to work you were in big trouble. I met people who got into serious car accidents and getting many horrible illnesses like MS and Diabettes. I was a single mom so I joined to assure an income incase I got sick so that I could take care of my son. I was putting in 16 hour days five days a week because I wanted my son to go to school here in white rock after I heard about young gangs and horrible things happening in the schools in town closer to work. I was always good with numbers and realized one day with paper and pen how much it was costing me to go to work. I paid out $700 in expenses just to go to work every day. This is daycare and car expenses like gas, parking and all repairs needed and lunches at work. I know some people only earning this much money.
I became very ill ten years ago and was put on long term disability without losing my job at Telus. The benefits I paid for each month for 18 yrs is what I am living on now. I made some very good decisions and was financially secure since I was 25. I grew up with both parents in a union. My oldest brother is paid very well with the construction workers union. We were so lucky because now it is almost impossible to belong to a union with good pay. I know alot of people and I have not met anyone who has been employed with a very good company for as many years seniority as I have. I took myself to the caribbean alone for three weeks each time every year during my 30's. My parents were happy to take my son while I went to get some very much needed relaxation time. I have so many good memories. People at work thought I was nuts going alone. It can be dangerous if you are not careful. I have very good intuition and street smarts. I was only alone when I wanted some private time. I was on the beach and in the water every day. I went on cruises which supplied food, drinks and snorkeling equipment. I joined in with people and most the time it did not look like I was alone. You save alot of money if you book a flight six months ahead. My plane fare was paid off way before I left. I never booked a hotel. I found one when I got there. You do have to do some research into their weather conditions etc. I found out that all these islands are really busy during summer break. If you go as soon as they all leave you can get your cab driver who you got at the airport and make him work for his money by making him stop at many hotels asking for prices. Most of the hotels were almost empty so you ask for the price then tell them you found a cheaper place across the room. They wanted my business so they matched the price right on the beach.
I met so many interesting people from all over the world. My ex husband wanted to wait until he retired. Well I have had medical issues and many surgeries since I was five. I did not want to find myself in a wheel chair unable to take care of myself saying I wish I had gone to the caribbean when I was young and healthy. I am 48 now and can say I have done almost everything I have wanted to do. I have a smart handsome 26 yr old son who does not drink, smoke or do drugs. Nobody has every told me they were proud of me for getting such a good career or how well I did raising my son. The proof is in the pudding. You meet my son and immediately know he was raised well. I shock people I do not know that I have been with Telus for 24 yrs now and still on the payroll with benefits. Men find me very attractive with an awesome figure for my age. I like to stay in good shape. I get so many compliments and now have a modelling offer coming up soon. I am also very good with computers and could easily work as a tech support charging whatever I want. I found out it is too expensive to advertise in our local paper so I advertise sometimes in some free want ads sites. No bites yet.
I am a registered student at kwantlen university near by to be a certified computer tech. The only problem is I don't have a car now so doing house calls is hard. I am working hard at paying off some bills so that I can qualify for a new car. I always set goals for myself. Big and small. I keep myself very busy so that I can fight my health problems. I learn so much everyday on my computer. Having goals every day helps me get out of bed. Every time I reach my goal I go out and buy myself something nice. My favorite jewelry store in the mall near by loves me and gives me extra discounts now. Last christmas I sat here alone. Not one call. I went out and bought myself two diamond rings. I am a very good shopper. Most people run out and buy new electronics etc as soon as they come out. I sit back and wait until the price comes down then I buy. I just bought myself a beautiful 40 inch LCD flat screen tv for only $399. Most people paid over double for the same tv. I only buy very good brand names. Only the best. I found a nice big samsung computer monitor at a pawn shop for only $150. I also found the best brand name computer speakers for only $50. I found it at another store for $150. I like the top of the line products and shop around and do not buy until I find the best price. Everyone thinks I am rich but I am not. There is alot of very wealthy women here who have closets the size of my whole apartment. Weekly they donate all the clothes they do not want anymore. I do not know designer names but I can tell by touching the material of clothes which items are very expensive and look like new.
Ever since I left work I have been spending alot of hours everyday on my computer and have become very good at it. I listen all my music on here along with movies etc. I only watch the news on my big tv. I get my bills online and pay them online. I started a home business and advertise on a well known free classified site. I am making $120 an hour now. Most my high school friends cannot afford to live here anymore. I do not want to leave so I had to increase my income. I built myself a web site about my life and the next thing I know publishers are calling me wanting to know when I would be done so they could benefit from the sales with their help. I realized I could do it myself for free. I turned it into an ebook and put it on sale at a famous online company called amazon.
I recently needed some legal assistance and found out I make too much for free legal help and not enough to pay a good lawyer so I taught myself how to represent myself online. I won my case.
You can turn negative events into positive ones. I have been neglected my who life which made me very independent. This personality has benefited me many times. When I was old enough as a little girl I was never at home to escape my horrible home life. This produced excellent social skills. I can get along with anybody now. I have used my medical condition to my advantage for things like university. I applied as a student with a disability so I got alot more money from the government for a student loan after they could confirm with my therapist that I have a disability. The disability advisor at the university told me I had choices that I could use like extra time handing in assignments. Disability parking etc.
There is hundreds of sites online now about violence against women or disabled people. Victim services sites etc. There was one site that I could just apply for money which apon verification from my therapist they would just hand me $5000. I then found out I do not qualify because I owe revenue canada money. Story of my life. Everytime I see a door open as soon as I get to it it gets slammed shut in my face. One year I went to H & R to do my taxes when I found out we have a place here in white rock offering many services for disabled or people on social assistance. They offer many things for free. I am seeing an addictions officer this week. They do my taxes for free. They give free legal assistance and much more. I also tried group therapy for adult child of alcoholics and another one for people with depression. I did not like it at all. I need a one on one therapist. Alot of sick people try maybe two different therapists that they just cannot connect with so they give up and continue on with their life which gets worse without help. It does not matter what kind of medical or dental doctors just because they have a big diploma on the wall doesn't mean they are good at what they do. If you stay patient and do not give up shopping for the right doctor. You will find one I am sure of that. Once you do then your search is over and you can begin to heal. If someone requests a note from your doctor most of them make you pay if they do not know you. If you have about say ten years with a family doctor, therapist or dentist etc will not charge you. Anything my therapist gets from anyone he does bother me for paying or sending a verification letter from a profession doctor. My doctor is very popular and is not taking anymore patients because he is one of the best in town. I usually only see him once a month. When I am having a bad time he gets me to come in twice a month. He recently told me I am about the only patient he has that is so heavily medicated. He recently tripled one of my meds. Next week he is going to eliminate one of my pills with another one to stop my suicidal thoughts.
Animals are awesome. Alot of elderly people find themselves alone after one spouse dies before the other leaving them hopeless all alone. When they get themselves a dog or cat it adds more years to their life and helps their health. They are great therapy for anyone with depression and many more medical conditions. One of my cats has already been abandoned as a kitten. I rescued her. She is happy and healthy and needs my attention every day. I have two now. They won't go to bed until I do. As soon as I do they come and join me and stay with me until I wake up. If I hurt myself they could be put in a small cage 24/7 in a shelter and possibly be put down. I cannot do that to them.
One day I met an elderly man with a small dog. He lived in a condo across the street which did not allow pets. He got a note from his doctor insisting he needed a pet for his health. His landlord had to let him get a small dog which made him so happy. Now the whole building is pet friendly. I noticed moving around that nobody allows pet owners to rent from them now. The last two times I moved I had a real hard time finding something with my two cats. Well I am a clean freak and you cannot smell my cats here. I have had many neighbors who live in a unit which smells of cat pee. You can smell it in the hallways sometimes. People like that ruin it for people like me. It is not the pets fault. It is irresponsible pet owners.
I have a great idea for landlords which I have been a landlord before. If you draw up a legal paper that the landlord and new tenant sign and agree to a monthly inspection for three months. If there is damage give them one month to fix it. If they do not give them one months notice to leave. Simple.
This is the end of my thoughts for today. More to come. Once I finish and have this turned into an ebook and put on sale at amazon if I can help even one person all this work will be worth it. What people do not realize is if you stop talking about your past you feel better. Writing all my thoughts right now take me back to a place that is so painful. I am fasinated about the mind body connection. When your mental health is not good eventually you will get physical problems like ulcers etc. I am just so damn frustrated to find out recently that mental abuse is hard to prove in court. You can only start a case if you were physically abused. There is just not enough education to the public about how serious this problem is. Good bye for now and take care of your mental health. Thanks.
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