Hello. I am writing this book to tell you my life story and to hopefully find something useful in my articles to improve or change your life in any positive way it would be so cool. I am an attractive 48 yr old woman with so much abuse, anger and violence made me run away right when I turned 16. I was making good money 25 yrs ago in an elderly home. I lived with friends and had a fast car and life was good. I was basically an unwanted baby. I was left behind put in foster care ignored for the first most important part of a childs life.
I was finally adopted by two school teacher with two older sons. I was not adjusting to my new home but my new mom wouldn't give up on me. Why she didn't protect us from the daily mental abuse to me and physical abuse to my oldest and epileptic brother. I was just a little watching this so scared. I had an ulcer by the time I was 11. I was hardly home escaping hell for awhile. I developed very good social skills. There is a positive side to everything I feel. Since I had to work so hard for what I have I appreciate it more then the wealthy kids I knew at school. I have 8 yrs experience working with the elderly and 24 yrs with the telecommunication workers union. I love my union. I also became very independant since birth. I know many people who cannot be alone. I love being alone. I do live a crazy life now that I am not going into the office everyday. Through all my college and university training I was settled into the company I want to die with. That was BC Tel in 1989. I had a three yr old son I was raising alone. My alcoholic abusive ex took our son every second weekend and most of the summer. I don't understand why he did make arrangements to meet for a couple ours one day a week. I don't understand. Years ago I moved up to kelowna to avoid the craze life for awhile only to realize my house was close to many convicts just getting out of jail and moving to my home town. There was stores for illegal activities all over. The part is bad I hear and this is where people from all over the world want to see. My son came up to see me three times for a couple days each time. We had so much fun. I could go on for a hundred pages of stories that happened to me growing up unwanted. It would blow your mind. One of the first therapists I saw told me he was surprised I wasn't downtown homeless putting needles in my arm. I drink because it hurts my stomach. I don't know if that is something to think about spending so many years being around such an angry abusive drunk. He passed out at dinner time and would wake up in the middle of the night. When we woke he had finished his 26 er of rye. He drove drunk all the time and he never got an impaired. He was so good that some of my friends didn't believe me that I would not let him drive us anywhere because he is legally impaired but he holds it so well he fools some people. Not us. Did you know there is about 130,000 registered people in BC alone suffering from one of many forms of a mental illness. I guarantee it is alot more not reported because our damn society and justice suck. The more research I do the madder I get. The system is for the criminals with free lawyers and counselors lodging and food. They always get out of jail way before they serve all the time they were supposed to which is never enough when a life has been taken. In the eyes of our law here it seems nobody recognizes how serious depression, panic attacks and many other illnesses they don't seem to care and have been told you can only press charges if I had an physical attacks by my dad. Some justice system. Outside wounds heal but inside ones get worse. I have had so much mental abuse from people who are supposed to love me and be with me. The all turned on me one after the other. Nobody has ever told me why I deserve 48 yrs of neglect and lies. I am sick of it.
My mom just passed away and my asshole father wouldn't let me come down and say goodbye to her. I have no idea what month or day it happened. Somebody leaked it out to me that mom died in her sleep. My dad kept between us all my life. My ex used to get home before me so he picked up our son and I had to go to his place on the way home to pick up our son. My ex always had something ignorant to say and try to say something bad and forgot where he heard it. I quickly got our son ready and ran out. One day I lost it and punched him in the face in front of our young son which I would never do. I had no idea what I was doing. I just snapped. Then I would get home and take care of my son then later call my mom who's calls were screened from dad who always had something rude to say to me like what do you want!!! Then I noticed at christmas one year my parents spend $20 on me and almost $200 on my son. I noticed all my pictures were down. We went into different roads. They helped out my two brothers way more but if I asked for $40 on day it is like I was asking for a million. One day mom said I was a burden. She was at my house. I kicked her out and ignored all her phone calls for two weeks.
My father called me a prostitute when I was 14 wearing too much make up. Mom told me I would not talk to dad for a whole year. I didn't remember this. This is when I gott interested in physicalogy magazine and everything about the mind body connection. I was impressed when I saw an ad on tv recently with a woman at a table alone very sad and it said who does depression hurt with her daughter in the background looking at her sick mom. I am in prison. I am so heavily medicated I am surprised I am standing. My therapist told me I looked suicidal. I was. It was the 6th christmas without my son and first without my mom. She had no funeral or grave site like she deserved. She gave away two sapphire and diamond rings she promised to give it to me and they gave it to my brother to give his girlfriend. I am very upset. She had another one on when she passed away and nobody seems to know where it is. Didn't she leave me anything? I would have to go to court requesting a copy of the will or I have to contest it which is too much work right now.. I am taking meds three times a day and avoid stress. I see a really good ten yr therapist. He backs me up if anybody wants proof I am in care. I watched oprah one day where she had parents who all had lost their small children. My doctor had one look at me coming into his office and all of a sudden he said you are in mourning. Like mourning a death. I know my son is ok but it has been six years and is not getting easier. I want to hire someone to find him.
I settled down at age 19 and had my son when I turned 22. Perfect age. Great pregnancy. I did have an emergency surgery because the cord was rapping around his neck and making his heart beat to go down. He is 26 now and handsome, tall, smart and doesn't smoke do drugs or drinks. I am so proud of him. I just wished he was proud of me. I left my ex three times. The first time my son was only 11.
I moved around alot all in this area of white rock/south surrey. I am dealing with so many things right now which is also good therapy for anyone depressed. I read an equivalent of one book as I do read articles online every single day. I like to work hard and party hard now with no responsibilities for the first time. I've been trying to keep myself busy. One of my secrets is to have several goals I work on every day until I reached that goal small or big. I reward myself at my favorite jewelry store who all know me by name and give me extra discounts all the time. I bought myself two nice rings for christmas to my myself. I have two adopted brothers who I did not get along with growing up. They did not call me. My large birth family did not call me. Nobody did. What did I do to deserve being treated so unwanted. I also attract alcoholic men with jealousy personalities. This is why I am staying single and happy. I like my independance and privacy. I kind of think I hate men right now. Even if I met a really nice guy I would proberly blow it because I am in the hate men mode right now. Don't know how long it will last. I better sign off now before I get too angry talking about men. Keep posted. Tere
No comments:
Post a Comment