Life has never been easy for me. If someone was to give me something nice for no reason I would probably faint. I am turning 49 soon and have turned into someone I did not want to be like. I just realized I hate men. I did not want to be one of those older women alone and bitter towards men. Well I am sorry but for some reason I attract unreliable alcoholics. Luckily I am very independent and do not mind being alone. I do have my neighbors and friends and massage clients so I am not alone all of the time.
I keep getting promises from men to be here at a certain time or call at a certain time and way too many of them do not come through with their promise. I hate being stood up. I do not trust that person anymore and try and lose them. They are just wasting my valuable time. I have many projects and some very stressful things to work out right now and I do not have time to wait for that call or arrival which never comes. I give them only half an hour then I go out or go do something. I enjoy my life because I have been very successful all alone and I am so proud of my son for turning out so good thanks to me even though he hates me. I tried to let him know that if I die he has to contact my work. They will give him a check for $47,000 and a monthly income for ten years. I have been sending notes to his best friends mom and she has been apparantely sending them to him. I have no idea if he is getting them or if he is is he reading them. I feel like I have been thrown in jail innocent with nobody to help me prove my innocence. The only reason why I am not downtown putting needles in my arm is because I am highly educated and told by others that I am very intelligent. Those people on the streets are not educated and do not know any other lifestyle.
When I run into old school friends and tell them what I have done they are shocked. Not one of them has done as much as I have. I treat every day like it is my last. I love my computer because it is almost human. Sometimes it does things that puzzle me. I then try and fix it and I always do. I would like to teach new users.. I could easily be a computer tech. I have so many skills that all come in handy once in awhile.
I wake up every morning missing my mom and my son. Something has died inside of me. I have to keep busy so that I won't start crying. When people hurt me and I ask them why if I have chance they never have a reason. I am a good caring person who has not deserved this life I have been given. It is kind of a surprise that I can trust and show some affection towards people I trust. Once someone breaks that trust by lying or stealing or not coming through with a promise I dump them immediately. I am too buys to waste my time with these people who are everywhere. I try and treat people the way I want to be treated. The moment they break my trust I push them out of my life forever. I do not give second chances anymore. Too old and wise now. I have everything I need. Men just cause me money and dead weight while I end up taking care of them. No more. I now have a mental note of exactly what I am looking for. I will not settle for less and do not care how long it takes. I am not going to die alone and bitter even though I should. I still have faith that he is out there looking for me. In the meantime I am keeping busy with many projects.
I just sent an e-mail to my dad telling him I was sueing him for $50,000 in supreme court and I am giving him the chance to use a mediator to avoid court. He immediately called the cops hoping he could have me arrested for extorshion. A woman cop came here and told me I did a good job in the letter. I was very careful not to threaten him in any way. The cop knew my letter was perfectly legal. I also told her that it is a criminal offense to abuse a disabled child which I was. She agreed with me and politely asked me not to write him anymore. There is no court order so I can write him again if I want to. Just as I started to work on finding a lawyer something else came up that needed my attention first. I am fighting an eviction for being late or short on my rent a couple times. He gave me a back dated eviction notice. I then contacted the tenancy branch who called me yesterday and told me since he gave the papers to me a week into this month that I do not have to leave until the end of June. I was pleased. That now gives me a month and a half to find an affordable home for me and my girls. My cats. I have lived in this town for over 30 yrs and I was in shock to find out how expensive it is to rent a condo now and nobody wants pets. I am worried.. I love this town but might have to move out of it.
Anyways keep going day by day. Something good will happen for me.
Bye till next time
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