I don't understand

I don't understand why every man that shows some interest in me all end up being alcoholics who hide it from me at first. I usually find out quite quickly but why does this keep happening to me? I think it is because men can sense that I know alot of sustance abuse and that makes them want me. I have been single for three years now and I don't care if I am   for another ten years. I have the perfect man in mind and will not settle for less now. I am 48 an men tell me I am very attractive with the figure of a 20 yr old. I drink maybe twice a year and I am a smoker. I like the odd toke also. The biggest turn off to me is a drunk man hitting on me.

I have done so much research into many things especially the mind body connection. I believe the first five years of a childs life is so important. It is the foundation for you whole entire adult life.I was born unwanted to put in foster care immediately. I was put in a corner ignored and malnurished for five years. I was finally a adopted by two school teachers with two older sons who both got treated better then I ever did. My new mom specialized in handicapped children. I was a big challenge for her. She almost gave up she told me after six months because I was not adjusting. I was mentally and physically disabled from birth. Then my new dad ended up being an abusive alcoholic who mentally abused me for 40 yrs. I am trying to register to the government as a victim of a crime and a witness. I had to see my epileptic brother being physically abused my drunk father often which scared me as a sick young girl.

I just met with a lawyer about sueing my father in supreme court of BC for $50,000 which is called a fiancial hardship award or ten years of potential income I lost because I got very sick and had to go on long term disability and am heavily medicated because of him. My mom recently passed away and he wouldn't let me say goodbye. That was the last straw. This may take me a year but I am going to drag his ass into court and won't leave until I get some compensation.

I have spent thousands of hour of research into the laws  and court services we have here. Also everything I need to know about what kind of lawyer I need. I have taught myself how to represent myself in court. I just need help with the paper work. This is going to take alot of work but at the end it will be worth it.

I have an anger management problem due to all the anger and violence in our home growing up. I had to hide it from my co-workers and son. I kept it all inside until I got an ulcer. Eventually I completely broke down and started having panic attacks in rush hour which scared the hell out of me. When I finally got to work I would sit down at my desk and start crying and couldn't stop. My boss sent me home several times. They were very understanding.

1. There isn't very many highly education successful women who have gone through what I did. My school  teacher parents wouldn't give me a cent meanwhile helping out my brothers all the time. I quit school as soon