ANOTHER CHRISTMAS ALONE. I MISS MY MOM AND MY SON SO MUCH IT IS KILLING ME INSIDE. I AM ALMOST 50 NOW AND MY LIFE HAS BEEN A CONSTANT STRUGGLE FROM DAY ONE.

THIS TAKES ME BACK MANY YEARS WHEN ONE OF THE FIRST THERAPISTS I SAW WHO TOLD ME HE WAS SURPRISED I WASN'T DOWNTOWN DOING NEEDLES. I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT. I ONLY TOLD HIM HALF OF ALL THE EVENTS I HAVE EXPERIENCED.

I HAVE WORKED SO HARD FOR EVERYTHING I WANTED WITH NO HELP FROM ANYONE AND NO GOOD JOB FROM ANYONE. I WAS SET FOR LIFE BY THE TIME I WAS 25 WITH A 3 YR OLD SON AT HOME I RAISED ALONE. I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE HIS 20TH BIRTHDAY. HIS FATHER WANTED ME BACK FOR THE FOURTH TIME. MY JAW DROPPED TO THE GROUND AFTER ALL THE ABUSE I HAD FROM HIM. I REJECTED HIM SO HE TOLD MY SON LIES ABOUT ME AND NOW HE HATES ME AND HAS NOT TALKED TO ME IN 7 YRS. I HAVE BEEN ON SUICIDE WATCH OFF AND ON SINCE THEN. I HAVE BEEN HURT BADLY SO MANY TIMES BUT THIS IS DEFINITELY THE WORST FEELING I HAVE EVER HAD. MY EX IS HIDING FROM ME BECAUSE HE KNOWS I HAVE AN ANGER MANAGEMENT PROBLEM I HAVE HAD TO HIDE AT WORK AND AROUND MY SON ALL MY LIFE. I ALSO SPENT TWO TIMES IN JAIL FOR UTTERING THREATS ABOUT MY EX IN A LETTER SENT TO MY EX BEST FRIENDS WHO SENT HIM THE NOTE THEN HE WENT TO THE POLICE TO HAVE ME ARRESTED. IF HE LOVES ME SO MUCH WHY HAS HE BEEN TORMENTING ME SINCE I WAS 20. I HAVE HAD HIM AND MY DAD TO DEAL WITH DAILY MOST OF MY LIFE. I AM LOSING MY MIND.

I HAVE BEEN SINGLE FOR ALMOST FOUR YEARS NOW ON PURPOSE. MY EX BOYFRIEND WAS VERY HANDSOME AND CHARMING AND HE MADE ME LAUGH AND HELPED ME FORGET MY PROBLEMS. WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW IS HE WAS VERY IMMATURE AND HAD NOTHING. HIS KIDS LIKE IN THE NEXT PROVINCE AND HAS IGNORED THEM FOR TEN YEARS. BEFORE WE BROKE UP FOR THE THIRD AND LAST TIME HE TRIED FINDING THEM ON FACEBOOK. HIS EX TOLD HIM HE OWED HER ALOT OF MONEY AND HIS DAUGHTER HATED HIM. HIS SON IS DISABLED. IN THOSE THREE YEARS HE NEVER TALKED TO THEM WHICH BOTHERED ME. HE ALSO OWED EVERYBODY MONEY AND DIDN'T HAVE A JOB. I UPGRADED MY ELECTRONICS AND GAVE HIM ALL MY OLD STUFF FOR ALMOST NOTHING. HE DIDN'T HELP ME WITH ANY CLEANING IN OUR CONDO. I  AGAIN WAS BEING USED SO I GOT RID OF HIM. I SEEM TO ATTRACT ALCOHOLICS OR MEN WITH SERIOUS MENTAL PROBLEMS. I AM VERY INDEPENDANT WITH GOOD SOCIAL SKILLS. I WAKE UP EVERY MORNING WITH MANY PROJECTS TO WORK ON ALL DAY AND EVENING TO KEEP MYSELF FROM ENDING IT ALL BECAUSE I AM SO SAD AND LONELY. NOBODY WILL TELL ME WHY I HAVE BEEN NEGLECTED AND HURT MY WHOLE LIFE. I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN.

I AM GOING TO CONVERT THIS BLOG INTO AN EBOOK FOR SALE WHEN I AM DONE HOPING I CAN HELP OTHERS. BYE FOR NOW


TERE