Hello. I am supposed to have my first meeting with an addictions counselor this after noon. I am kind of hesitant for good reasons.
I want to ask her if she was abused as a child.
Have you been addicted to any substance your whole life.
I think I would make a better counsellor because I am positive I can feel their pain better then an addictions counsellor can.
I know of many people searching the best suited shrink who can prescribe meds. Most people only see a couple and assume they are all idiots. I try and tell people just because someone has a certificate on the wall doesnt mean they are good at their job. I work for a very large telephone company and have met many male supervisor who are good at their jobs but lack in social skills which is very important. If everyone gets along and the boss is liked they will find people wont call in sick as much anymore and they all do the best job they can. I used to be the class clown in every department I worked in which got rid of any stress in the workplace.
I miss working so bad but because of my dad and my were abusing me every single day because he would pick up our son at daycare and I picked him up from there. One day picking him up my ex had a few rude things to me infront of our son. Well one day after working 16 hour days five days a week very sick. I had no idea what I was doing. I punched him in the face breaking his glasses. I grabbed my son and jumped the car crying. My son put his arm around me and said we will be ok mom. cute hey. I went home and as usual after dinner I call my mom who was not allowed to answer the phone. He always had several hurtfull things to me before I could talk to my mom.
Depression is alot more serious then most people believe including our law society. Criminals have more rights and free counsellor etc.There is thousands out there who do not where to go for help. I will never be able to work and have to take 21 pills a day thanks to my dad and my ex. I had no idea depression will never go away. I have been ignored and put in the corner ignored my whole life while dodging knives my dad would throw at me and my brother walking to our bedrooms.
Myself I try and keep myself busy which isn't easy when you are home sick. I wake up every morning crying because I miss my son and my mom so much.
Setting goals for yourself every single day. This project could take hours or days. Once I reach one of my goals I go out and buy myself something from my favorite jewelry store.
I have also been busy trying to find an affordable condo here in my home town of white rock,BC Canada.
Again, jump out of bed each morning whether you would rather not. Get working on all the projects I am working on. Remember to reward yourself. I did not have anyone in my family say anything nice to be like what a good job I have done with my son. I educated myself on my own dime. Education is also very good therapy. It really helps to get rid of that black cloud following me.
I still have bad days especially during family dinners for an occasion. mothers day and my son's birthday kill me. I can't see this problem going away sometime in the near future. So I have to deal with what my mental illness lets me do.
I am just patiently waiting for something good to happen to me. I grieve for my who wants nothing to do with me because my ex told him lies about me because for the fourth time as soon as I kicked out my present boyfriend my ex was all over me. My jaw hit the ground. After all the horrible things he said about me or just treating me like a room mate not a wife. Hey it gets better. I sent my ex friends an e-mail saying I wanted to kill my ex for taking my son away from me just because I don't want anything to do with now. The last time I left I started to have chest pains and pain down my arm in rush hour heading to work. If I was dying there would be nothing I could do about it. As soon as I got to work and sat down I started crying so my boss sent me home. You won't believe this my ex bestfriends took the note too serious and sent it to him. He went straight to the police who arrested me for uttering threats. It gets better. I sent him a note through face book asking him why he was doing this to me. Well he immediately went back to the police to again have me arrested for breaching one of the conditions on the court papers.
The last time I left him our son was 17 and wanted to stay living with his dad. I was fine with that. I just got a condo near by and asked him to come over for dinner every monday night.
Every summer on my ex's holidays he takes our son up counry to visit his brother. Well one night my son called me and told me dad is taking you to court for child support. He didn't even give me a chance to agree. I had to go to court about six or seven times just for this. I was so mad. I have an anger management problem for years. My whole birth family and adopted family including my son do not want anything to with me and nobody will tell me what I did wrong.
Even though my family all hate me and my old school friends are busy with rich couples. Nobody has time for me. The only beings that love me is my two cats. Also very good therapy for depression. It really helps. Believe me. I know a few people who could not have handled what I did my whole life.
Remember for every door that closes another one opens. I had so many friends growing up at white rock beach. Went to some awesome parties and was allowed to drive some very fast show room cats, I also took myself to the caribbean six years in a row for three weeks of pure paradise. I have so many good memories of all my travelling.
I swore I did not be like some of my friends moms who take alot pills and a good strong drink before bed every day. They all hate men if they had a bad divorce. They try dating but quickly stop.Most of them are bitter alcoholics that believe every man is like their ex.
I have a few matters to take care of first then I am setting up a meeting with a civil pro bono lawyer. I will be representing myself.
On a different note do you realize good looking women get way more goods and services then men. Men have been hitting on me since elementary school. I was lucky to be attractive with a great figure for almost 50. I look like a model when I am all done up. I hate make up and curling my hair etc. I never had time in the morning because I have very long hair and it takes forever to dry with the dryer. Most men just want to see my great body naked. They will say anything for sex. I have not liked men too much for about three years now.
Most men find good looking women have marbles upstairs. They are shocked to find out how intelligent I am. Anyways I have too much stress in my life right now and forever. Too much anger and sadness inside me right now which wouldn't be fair to any guy. I try and keep the faith hoping he will come rescue me soon.
Did you follow my story so far? Everybody has problems. I keep it inside most of the time and that is why I have an ulcer. I have been on ulcer meds off and on for many years hiding all my demons until I finally reached the end of the rope.
Some peoples stories are worse then mine and some not nearly as bad as I had it.
They whole idea about this book is to hopefully help someone in the same pain I go through every single day of my life. Men are always telling me how attractive I am with a killer figure. I know what they want and I am not biting. I know have the exact description of my dream guy and I will never settle for second best anymore.
I have not done any writing here for a couple months. Sometimes when there is other crap going on I have to deal with that I am almost scared to write my feelings down because you have to go way back in your mind where you hide those bad memories. Writing this book is one of the hardest things I have done but if I can save one life it will be worth it. Have a great day.
Tere
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