Hello. I just love my computer. I have been up all night playing and fixing. I usually have to fix something almost everyday which always teaches me something new. I do all my repairs now. Sometimes I can fix it quickly and sometimes it takes days. Having a hobby like this that keeps your mind sharp is so good for anyone suffering from depression. It is hard to cry when you are focused on something. I love my system.
I did mention before when you wake each day you need an agenda for the day. Sometimes I only have one project and other days I have many errands to do. I have to work very hard keeping myself busy because the pain I feel every single day missing my son stops me from wanting to kill myself. When ever I see something on tv about people who had their child go missing or murdered. It always makes me cry for a bit. I feel like they do. The pain and loss are so unbearable somedays.
Having a pet is another good idea for this medical condition. The love they give you makes you feel so good. You could be just ready to start crying when they all of a sudden do something funny and my mood immediately brightens up.
Ever since I got evicted from my last condo due to so called friends getting me into trouble with my landlord I feel like I have fallen down a deep hole. Now I have to crawl back up. I am stuck in a one room motel room right now paying $700 with no kitchen or bdrm. I cannot find anything I can afford in the ad section online in papers and many other sites. I am trying to make the best of this situation no matter how much I hate it here. My neighbors are all losers that just take and take and never give. I am trying to ignore all of them. Even my landlords have lied to me a couple times. They have been like family for a year now which makes their lies make me feel so shitty.
I have been single for over four years now. I think I am finally ready for another relationship but I have not met anyone I would like to date yet. I am very independent and like my privacy so it is not too bad being alone. I just keep myself as busy as possible every single day. Listen up......this is very important. Some days you wake up with no reason to get out of bed. You have to force yourself to get up and have a shower etc and go out shopping even if it is just window shopping. Do laundry or many other chores. I am always cleaning this small room. I think my unit is the cleanest in here.
Anyways, I have been up all night. I am now going to have a bath and get ready for another day without my beloved son. I miss him so much especially during holidays and birthdays, mothers day etc. I take 21 pills a day but I still feel so much pain and think about suicide all the time. Everyday is a challenge. Don't give up. Keep moving. Have a good one.
Tere
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